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TheReno's News

A parody of a Comedy

2010-05-12 15:08:29 by TheReno

http://www.newgrounds.com/bbs/topic/11 66199

Revamping Dantes inferno but with the idea that the devil really only punishes those who deserve, and lets those whose sins affected no one else but themselves party.


My rap

2010-03-21 14:28:00 by TheReno

http://www.myspace.com/jedimasterjofva

Im jedi Jay

Jedi Jizzy

Sink me to the bottem but yous till cant take me


2nd story

2010-02-14 14:05:24 by TheReno
Updated

"And now we go to Suze whose reporting from the site." the reporter queued.

"Thanks Martha. As you can see, all the soldiers have broke out into party mode. At 12:28 A.M Eastern time key Taliban leaders were found out and captured. With this new revelation the war has come to an end in Afghanistan. With no head, the serpent of this war has died. Any and all resistance has suddenly stopped." Suze reported, being jostled every now and then by a partying soldier. She took a deep breath before continuing. She never got the chance to start her next sentence.

An Unmanned Aerial Vehicle (UAV) loaded with cruiser missiles launched its payload at the unsuspecting soldiers and reporter. They struck in sporadic locations but the effect was devastating. Dead soldiers and shrapnel lay everywhere. Those few left alive were greeted with a scene of total and absolute carnage. This was just the first of thousands of similar attacks in Afghanistan. All a prologue of the next event.

***

Over three thousand miles away U.S Navy war ships circled Taiwan. One ship in particular, the USS Zumwalt, was about to be fully tested whether the crew wanted it or not. The USS Zumwalt was the first of the new Zumwalt class of destroyer vessels and was on a shake down cruise when the unthinkable happened.

Unlike the multiple attacks in Afghanistan the American Military saw the enemy, that is to say Chinese Republic warships moved into an offensive position as if they made to take Taiwan. Just like the attacks however was that the American forces were unprepared when the attack came and it was just as devastating.

Also it took place at 12:28 AM EST

The hulls of each ship was thrown open by the hundreds of thousands of charges placed on them by Chinese aquatic forces. All but one that is.

As part of her orders to be executed during her shakedown cruise was to constantly check over the hull when in friendly waters. As such, there was a team checking the external hull when the Chinese made their move and thus were left alone 'less a warning were to get out. It wouldn't have mattered.

Vice Admiral Richard Starkman was currently on the bridge when the attack started. He had been called up from his formal tour of the ship when orders came in to target the Chinese naval ships. Once he arrived he had only a few short moments to get oriented with the situation when they were attacked. Upon seeing his fellow navy boats sinking he ordered the attack. A salvo was already on the way when the Zumwalt fired its armament. It was promptly destroyed but the Zumwalt managed to take two Republic ships with it. All a prologue of the next event.

***

"A number of former Soviet states have rejoined Russia along with a few new players. This wasn't a random act of aggression. This was planned, calculated. They want war." Secretary of Defense Tom Appleton said. "Its almost like they are picking up where they left off during the cold war and changed some of the pieces around."

"Whose jumped aboard with who?" President Murray asked.

"Well its a bit of a hodgepodge sir. Moldova and the Ukraine have decided to stay independent but are willing to be used as a conduit of supplies and military forces. All the stans including Pakistan but excluding Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan fly under the Russian banner. Tajikistan and Kyrgyzstan along with Mongolia, North Korea, and Vietnam Are holding with the Chinese in a sort of I scratch your back you leave my land alone deal. South Korea has submitted to North Korean rule so that they can avoid war. Georgia, Azerbaijan, and Armenia are holding solid against Russia. The rest are staying hoping to stay out of the fight."

"What about Taiwan and Afghanistan?" The President asked with a tone that suggested he knew he wouldn't like the answer.

"One hundred percent out of our control." Secretary Appleton answered "And before you asked the sites in Afghanistan were attacked by UAVs launched from cargo planes thought to be owned by civilian companies. The Taiwanese attacks are still being investigated but satellite photos show that all but one ship was destroyed at the same time."

"Any idea how?"

"Well the only way we can figure is that each ship had charges planted on it. It seems our Asian friends have perfect sonic stealth technology." Appleton said, finishing his piece of the conversation for now. The President looked at each of the cabinet members before continuing the line of questioning.

"Gentlemen, any suggestions?" At this the Secretary of State spoke.

"Well NATO has shored up the borders of member nations and a few non member nations who have asked for their aid, this justified as countering the enemy offensive." The Secretary of State Donaldson took a deep breath before continuing. "They have kept all air traffic trying to leave the Russian and Chinese territories from doing so and their under a heavy blockade. Unfortunately that wont do much as they have all the resources they need to continue this campaign."

"Right. But what do we do?" The President prompted. Secretary Appleton filled the ensuing silence.

"Well with the exception of Taiwan and Afghanistan, every country that has fallen under new leadership did so willingly."

"Looks like we have two targets to consider." The President said simply. The plans were made in short order. They would have retribution. There was only one problem.

***

"Today, President Murray announced his intentions to go to war with joint Russian Chinese forces in Taiwan and Afghanistan. Surprisingly a majority of the US doesn't want to go to war, instead pressing the President to seek a peaceful resolution. In fact the only support Murray is finding is from the families of all those fallen in the unprovoked attack." Katie Couric said sadly. Unlike most of America, she was not a fool.

America had gotten too swept up in the peace movement.

When Obama left after his term was up, he left after having done an ok job. Helped the healing process along and it looked like America was on the verge of an economic boom. Only one thing stopped it from coming. Afghanistan. Obama didn't leave and neither did his successor Carl Murray. The difference here is that the news kept quoting economists as saying the end of the recession would come finally if America got out of Afghanistan after Obama left office.

But what led America to look at 100,000 plus casualties in a single day and say negotiate was part Al Gore's fault and part Americans' natural tendency to go with the herd. And of course the news. Al Gore created the mind set of seeking to live in harmony (with nature) at any cost. The more people who adopted this philosophy got even more people to believe in it until the message of stop global warming at all cost had been perverted to seek peace at all cost.

Even if it meant shrugging off 100,000 plus deaths and threatening congress members with no chance in hell of re-election if they voted to go to war.

***

"Why can't the Republicans ever be in control when it matters most?" Donaldson complained. "At least they know when to throw all their chips in."

"Well we got to do something!" Damn it all we can't let this happen. The Ruskies have blown through Georgia and the rest of em and Iran has jumped on board with em, no surprise there." Appleton said hotly. "Turkey's holding and the Iraqi people are giving em a fight but they haven't had enough time to get everything together since we left. It looks like they are trying to push through to our oil and cripple us. Worse still is Japan has shut down all exports and commandeered all sea worthy vessels to repel the attacks Chinese forces have been launching. The Chinamen have also bypassed the mountains by going through Pakistan and using paratroopers in what we can only assume is the set up for a pincer maneuver to seal up the Asian side of Eurasia."

"How's India faring?" President Murray asked, concern and worry etched into his face.

(this is the end of what you see. Can't spoil the ending x3)


20 word story

2010-02-14 13:49:39 by TheReno

The President saw the soldier's relief and closed the mans eyes. One final sigh was released before the missle struck.


Ramirez

2010-02-07 15:50:02 by TheReno

Jesus Christ its a lion! Get back to the car. Ramirez, take out that lion.

Ramirez


CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEE

2009-11-24 23:56:50 by TheReno

SO FUCKING ADORABLE

CUTEEEEEEEEEEEEE


ytmnd compilation

2009-11-21 19:18:52 by TheReno

Heres just a few of the ones I found that were fun.

http://louisrap.ytmnd.com/
http://picardunderstands.ytmnd.com/
http://ytmnads.ytmnd.com/

post maor later


This page doesnt exist anymore

2009-11-16 00:15:32 by TheReno
Updated

Because the person it was about, instead of talking about it decided to be angry and try to sue.

You see, its all about the change. But people fight it as is only natural. Oh well. I would rather never speak to one who fights blindly then to wish for more from an ignorant man.


News

2009-10-18 16:44:35 by TheReno
Updated

I got banned because Im tarded. But its k. Also, amidoingitrite?

News


Highwind Insanity

2009-10-09 23:59:46 by TheReno
Updated

So this is the beginning of my story Im writing for punkoween. Obviously Ive settled on woodpunk with some steampunk mixed in for fun. Tell me what you think!

"Shift the Balance boards forward and drop the aft weights!" the Captain cried out, sending the deckhands about their buissness. "Bring the down the sails! Rook, prepare the Redwood!

"Aye aye Captain" Rook cried as the deckhands continued their preparations for punching through the low pressure pocket. It was hard working up hill for the black haird youth but he somehow managed to make it to the door in the deck, flinging it open to use the stairs that were there like a ladder.

Rook manged his way up the stairs to the corner before zipping around. Airships were designed for easy access to the Engine Deck for such emergencies, this the rest of his travels would be down hill. Rook flew down the rest of the floors till he arrived at his destination. He scanned the chamber in haste, his green eyes glowing in the dark as all those with the Sight did and sighted his prey in the corner. He went to the bundles of Redwood and took one of the longer boards to put into the ignition chamber. He then went to the barrel of Redwood ash and tried to move it over, but for all his efforts he couldnt slide it an inch due to the incline.

Luckily, or unluckily depending on where you were at the time, the ship hit the pocket and evened out. Rook knew he only had few precious seconds before they were in total freefall to tip the barrel into the ash distributor. With that thought in mind he threw himself at the barrel and was rewarded with the sight of it falling where it needed to. He popped the lid off just as they hit freefall but that was soon abated as the ash was distributed. Once the barrel was light enough, Rook was able to lift it back up and put the lid on before moving on to the second part of his task.

He went over to the Ignition Chanber's housing and took a piece of Sparkwood out of one of the pockets of his flight suit and opened the window over the Redwood. He struck the Sparkwood against the Redwood, shooting sparks along its side, until the Redwood was alight. Rook then closed the window and latched it tight, to then open the water valve that let a torrent of water in, that then let a faster torrent of steam out. The Redwood properties allowed it to burn violently when water was added, allowing for the invention of such steam engines to power through these low pressure pockets. There was only one drawback and that was the speed tried to pull you to the ship or crush you against any surface in your way.The boy was thrown against the wall as the ship took off faster then he had cause to want. It was at this point that he remembered that he had forgotton the most important part of the step, to get his mask on.

Flying at such high speeds in such low pressures took away what air there was to breathe. Thats why flight suits had originally been created, so as to create an entraped air to breathe your own air for the short while that you were in the bubble flying so fast. Later motifications were added but the original intent was for this one purpose that Rook had forgotten.

Black spots danced at the edge of his vision has he struggled to put the mask on against the inertial forces pinning his body to the wall. The deckhands along with the Captain would have strapped themselves in as soon as the freefall was abated, and they would have also remembered their masks. Finally, against all hope the boy slipped the mask on and took a deep breath of whatever air was in there to start with and soon the blackspots went away.

What seemed like hours was only minutes as the Redwood finished burning through itself and the water and the ship came to a halt. Next time they hit a bubble they would have to wait just like they were now for the bubble to disappear. Except next time putting up sails wouldnt get them moving again.

Rook got up from the floor that he had slipped down to when they had stopped and began his ascent to the main deck and his waiting captain. When he appeared he was greeted with a round of applause. He blushed as he walked to the captains perch, for he knew what this meant. He had earned a place amungst the crew, he had proved his worth.

"Rook Fulcroth, you came to us with no family and no home to go back to. We took you on as a charity service, but now we keep you as a member of this crew. You have learned the basics well, but now it is time to further that. You pulled us from freefall and sent us out of there quicker then all on my crew, and that has shown me you can control your gift. We could have skirted that pocket but I had to see if you were ready. Now that I know, when next we pull into port I shall have you apprenticed to a Master Engineer. He will come on board and show you not only how to keep the ship's engine and other machines in prime condition, but also how to fabricate the various parts we need. When you are finished you will stay aboard for a year and a day to pay the fees. God willing, after that time you will decide to stay. What do you say to that?" Rook merely stared at the captain before busting out in a large grin.

"Aye aye Captain!" He shouted out and the crew shouted their merriment.

"Well then, lower the sails and lets set off for Tierwell Port!" The Captain order.

______________________________________
______________

Night had arrived and all but the unlucky few choosen to stay up were asleep. They were a days sail away from port and they could see their objective, but no one sailed at night. Not if you could help it. This had never bothered Rook before, but now that he was to be an apprentice to a Master Engineer the old ways were irking him.